Vietnam

Cat Ba is just like all the other little islands in Halong Bay squished up together to form one big one. Our first impression of the island was that it is over populated with hotels and under populated with tourists. After seeing lots of plastic chair restaurants and a few bars, I thought, this place could be alright.

Teaming up with our German/Irish friend Carson, we wondered out to see what this place has on offer. The first place was closed. The second had 3 pool tables and absolutely no women. The 3rd seem ok 'Blue Note'. We all sat lined up at the bar and ordered longneck sized Tigers and had a laugh about the Vietnamese way of doing things, the copious nose picking addictions, public transport and food. Our converstaion was abruptly cut off by the rude interuption of ear peircing 80's ballads! Oh my gward! Never thought it would happen to me, but yes, here I am in a desolate bar in the middle of the South China Sea, on a Jurrassic Park like island drinking longnecks, listening to 'Time of my life!' Yes I am a victim of true Vietnamese Karaoke!

But we couldn't stay to hear it, the pain was just to much and we moved on to a much larger bar with 90's thumping music and no karaoke. I hated it, Sam hated it and Carson hated it, and after visiting the worst toilet in the word (think of the scene out of Train Spotting) I was more than happy to head back to our hotel.

Our hotel was ok, not exactly what I would call a 3 star. Much excitement with the high pressure shower. Too bad that it was salt water though. They had cheap coconut nuts and bottled tiger (canned tastes like ashtrays) and the beds were comfy and i could have slept in but have to get up at 6.30am to climb up a stupid mountain (tours not for me)

6am: The morning was difficult. Very difficult, getting up I mean. We have decided tours are not for us. No more tours.

I loved the trek, apart for the fact no-one bothered to tell me to leave all my luggage at the hotel and I had to lug all my books up the mountain with me, most of which are 10 pages from being finished.
100% of the way was a steep incline and 90% of the group wore the wrong shoes. One girl had very bad asthma and our guide who had spent 12 years in the army and smoked alot did a weird acupuncture thing on her, I dont thing she appreciated it but she put up with it anyhow.

The island was very beautiful from the top, I spent most of my time wondering how the lady from NZ can breathe inbetween all that jabbering, and the rest of the time trying to squash a killer bee.
Sam wore his footy jersy and sweated to death, not matter, we were on the decline and before we knew it we were in familliar territory where strangers force you to buy things you do not want. We climbed into our mini bus, the whole 18 of us, somehow we fit, they made us fit.
The NZ lady gabbed all the way back and I wondered if she was going to be sleeping on the Junk tonight.

Lunch was at a fish farm come restaurant at the port. The chunky fish they served us was delishously crispy on the outside and soft in the middle, mmm haddn´t had a nice piece of fresh fish in a while. Carson is allergic to seafood, so more for me.

The rest of afternoon was filled with listening to Modonna songs skipping along to the same verse for 2 hours, to the point where I had to walk up to the fish farmer with my hands over my ears frantically pointing towards the speakers. We taught Carson to play Shithead (which he calls Shitface, very funny) and after that I spent time discovering tiny shards of fibreglass sticking out of the backs of my calves (from the kayaks)
The bus was 3 hours late to take us back to the boat and I was getting bored. Tonight we were going to be sleeping on the boat. The driver finally showed up and he certainly made up for it with hairiest mini bus ride of my life to the other side of the island slightly missing a dog and a small child.

We bought our ticket for halong Bay from the tour agent in our hotel who did our washing and then I am later to discover my red singlet missing. Pissed off. We bought a $50 luxury ticket rather than the $38 basic ticket. We stay in a 3 star hotel on Cat Ba Island, see monkeys on Monkey Island, go kayaking and sleep on the boat.

Today we borded our Junk and sailed into the floggy haze over Halong Bay.The bay has an errie feeling, a sorta 'priates of the carribean' feel with the hundreds of other Junk boats cruising by.
Halong Bay was just breathtaking, the tourist offices say its 'The jewel of North Vietnam', and everything the guidebooks said it would be.

We never realised just how massive and beautiful Halong Bay is. It seemed never ending. Halong" translates into "where the dragon descends into the sea and there are hundreds of ghostly islands that look like they are floating on top of the calm bay, the edges have eroded away with the tides creating little caves to the otherside. Halong Bay is world heritage listed and now I can see why.

After a relaxing sail, we stopped to admire one of the many limestone caves in the area. The caves have a bumpy mattress effect on the roof where the water had been dripping for many years and there are some very amusing rock formations of a budda, a turtle, jesus and yes, even a penis. (he he)

The afternoon was spent kayaking in these beautiful waters ...The kayaking was it highlight of the day and I'm really anoyed that I have used up all my photo memory because words just cannot describe it.

Our guide asked us if we could swim then sent us out into the waters and told us not to get lost. Meanwhile other professional looking groups with guides and life jackets purposely weaved their way through the islands off to somewhere special. Its just funny really, I´m not complaining, thats the way we like it (tours not for us) We followed the other group some of the way paddling though the floating villages, the water warmish and the weather had cleared. Sam spotted a little cave under a small island and with his excellent steering technique we made it through without bashing the sides. Inside the cave was dark and echoie and the water the most beautiful emerald green. On the other side we were surprised to find a gorgeous secluded beach where we trod on oyster shells, examined a piece of foam stuck in the rock and re-enacted a 'Wilson' sceen. It was so private and I wonder how many 'The Beach' type places exist out here in Halong Bay.

The Junks are all wooden traditional boats with enormous sweeping burnt orange sails. The sleeping berths are along the bottom of the boat, the restuarant on the second level and the open air deck on the 3rd where you just sit back with your beer and watch the thin mist settle on the bay in the lazy afternoon. I rest my legs on the deckchair while enjoying the view. Ahh, if only everyday could be like this …

After visiting the caves the boat churned along towards Cat Ba Island. Suprisingly it took 2 1/2 hours. As we started to sail into choppy waters I spent half of that 2 1/s hours turning blue and resisting chucking over the edge.

Found a mini-hotel in the Old Quarter north of the lake. Its $8, nothing special and typically above a tourist office. So, a new city, a new map. We walked for hours last night desperately looking for a bite to eat. We didn't want street food, we wanted a restuarant or a bar cause we really needed a beer. Its quite a difficult city, restuarants close early and bars are hard to find. There is plenty of street food on offer, long donut things, giant steamed buns, mini sausages and random rubberly chicken parts being charred over a flame, and even a kabab man! Mmmm kebab man.....

The Old Quarter is very conjested. There are shops just 2 meters wide that have been selling the same produce for 5 generations. Apparently the taxes where so high for shop front that they cut their shops in half. the smaller the width of the shop the smaller the tax. They call them tube houses, they can sometimes be one block deep.

After trekking the city for a beer and a small bite to eat we settled on a small plastic chair place next to the flower markets. No menu and no english and with no Vietnamese and alot of pointing we were served little clams in a lemongrass ginger stock. We were given little side dishes of shrimp salt, fresh chilli, ginger and garlic and tiny limes with the tops cut off. Didn't know we were supposed to squirt the lime into the other spices to make a quick sauce. The chef was quick to show us, everything had to be right. They armed us with plastic gloves, the same ones you use to dye your hair with, and we went mad peeling our bbq'd prawns.

Hanoi is the easiest city to get lost in making it the hardest city to find your way around. Its bloody frustrating, thats what it is! Every street changes its name on every corner, one long street could change its name 5 times and to make thing harder all the street names start with Hung! So, we spent the rest of the night getting lost around the streets before heading home. We found a steamed bun lady, she puts quail eggs inside, thats the shit, but we probably wont remember where she is. Most streets have their own merchandice themes, a shoe street, a jewellery street, a toy street and even a kareoke street. We tried looking for bars recommended in the Roughguide. Cant believe some of their recomendations! Crappy, festy bars where I wouldn't let my dog eat. One was right on the outskirts of town next to the smoggy highway. Yeah, kick back on the balcony and suck in all those fumes!

Its Friday night and the markets are on, I was lucky enough to find a pair of Amarni sunglasses. I tried to barter them down, the guy says "But they're Amarni"......I got them for $4 US. There were heaps of little pokemon type things and jewellery, it was mainly a tourist market and we became bored.

We found a bar overlooking the lake where we had a couple Vodkas. We asked some random guy where there was somewhere good to go for a drink. He turned out to be the owner (opps) anyway, he told to go to 'Salace' nightclub which opens at 1.30 but its a bit of a trip across town, but everyone goes there. It was still only 11.30. I dont know what happened between 11.30 and 1.30 but the next thing I know we are at Solace dancing to OK music put on by a crap DJ. Solace turned out to be a boat moored on the river and has that same tacky feel about it like the pubs on the Thames except for the endless hordes of stag nights. The Vodka was expensive but it was free to get in. I dont know how we survived that long, we were having a great time....5am and we are fanging along on the back of a moto through the desolate city back to our hotel room.

We are in a crusty pub with bad smelly pipes playing more pool. The Huda beer is better than Tiger canned which tastes like ashtrays. I think Huda is the same as Festival or maybe its the same company. BGI is like drinking tea, light beer and pee all in the same glass, not that I have ever drunk pee, but if you have too, and its mixed with tea and light beer, thats what it would probably taste like. BGI beer.

I had to cut my hair with the nail clippers before I came out. I wanted a fringe and it seemed like too much of a hassel to find a hairdressers and try to painfully express to them in my best sigh language exactly what I wanted. So instead, I cut my own fringe with the nail clippers and it was very frustrating but I did a really good job at it. The problem is now, I really dont think I suit a fringe at all, and wish it was the way it was before I had tried to cut it off.

Been seeing a few rats running around late at night. Apparently April is peek month for rat harvesting in the Mekong Delta, when some 2 tonnes of rodants are delievered to Urban centers like Ho Chi Minh City every day. I didn't know about this until I read it in a local magazine at the pub today. I am completely shocked! But its not at all uncommon, in fact, rat meat is almost available in every local restaurant in Siagon and the reccommendation is for it to be cooked in coconut milk. Gee... what have I really been eating all this time???

Flying out of Hue today, flying to Hanoi. Thank god we are not travelling on one of those horrible buses again. Our flight has been delayed, so now we are sitting in a French bakery passing time. We went back to the same restaurant for dinner again last night, we just had to try the deep-fried eel, deep-fried with butter sauce. Sam ate around it avoiding the bones and I just crunched into it, its just like eating prawn tails. I liked the eel. I cant say I noticed any distinct flavour, but thats probably because it was deep-fried and probably because I've only eaten it once. They do the best fried rice there. We ordered some more to take-away and went back to our hotel room to drink Hanoi Vodka with 7-up and watch movies.

I cant say I like Hue all to much. The rain might not help. The clothes are overpriced, restaurants minimal and there are not to many places to drink and when you do find one, its like drinking in my nans kitchen (no offense nan) Overall, its quite an ugly place, not very touristy with not much to do.

Tiger beer and coconut nuts.

After countless failed attemps from the local moto drivers offering me a ride across town and after my innumerable rejections that I really dont need one, they just dont seem to get the point and it simply just does my head in.

I try over and over again to convince them that I can walk. That my legs work ok, in fact, I want to walk. I tell them over and over that my hotel is just around the corner and that I am not illiterate, I can read maps just fine. I´ve tried different languages, pretending I dont speak English, putting on a very thick and very bad German accent. I´ve tried ingoring them, staring competitions, and saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, over and over again like Bart Simpson, no matter what they say I just answer them with 'no'. I´ve tried walking into them, sign language and sometimes I even bite my lip and just get on the back of the bike and pay the man some money just so they will leave me the hell alone! (aaaahhhh!!!)
.....But, there is some good news, dont dispair my fellow travellers, as I am about to past on my proven tried and tested best method of ridding you of these tourists sharks.....
Give them a mouthfull of totally incomprehensible gibberish and flap your hands around like a nutter. They tend to back away nevervously and look at you sideways too scared to look you in the eye, you can even get them to start avoiding you if you stay in one place for one enough. You never know, you might have fun doing it.

Today I was not feeling to well though due to lastnights evens I had no energy to use my primo tactics. So today I decided to venture outside in disguise. I pulled on long pants, slipped into a long sleeve jacket and pulled the hood right up over my face and I tucked my 'yellow' hair right in behind my ears. On went the big sunnies and off I went confident, knowing my cover would be a success.....

"Lady, where you go?", "Cheap, cheap", "You go now", "How much you pay?" "Lady, lady!" "Where you from?, Ah, Australia, G'day mate!"

They followed me for the whole block, then when I finally lost'em, more came. I just wanna be invisable, just for one day please!

Almost home..... "Lady, where you go?", "Cheap, cheap", "You go now"

"JUST PISS OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE"

........I couldn't help it, it just came out...

"Alright, thats all you had to say..."

(aahhhhh!)