International Sampoon's vacation 2007

We have decided to stay on Cat ba island for two weeks, its the perfect place in the north to really chill out. Lifes pretty tough, most days we walk along one of the 3 boardwalks streatching around the mountain cliffs that connect all 3 of Catba´s beaches, we sit and swim and watch the staff sweep the beaches clean (yes, they sweep the beaches, with staw brooms, very funny) We bum about, eat lots of tastey Vietnamese fair for lunch and then drink beer all afternoon, either on our varandah overlooking CatBa bay or at the Aussie or Kiwi bar along the main strip.

Today we did a trip to the markets to buy some veggies for a sanga, it has been very quiet on the island, but now the tourist season is just kicking in we are starting to see more 'farangs' showing up. Anyhow, the market ladies rise their prices rediculously high to any farang. One lady tried to sell us a cucumber for $2.40! I mean, I wouldn´t pay $2.40 in any country! We ditched her buisness and spent up at the store across the street. Today we have been very lazy, watching the movie channel and drinking beer in our hotel room out of tiny glass teacups. So, in the end we played some shithead at the kiwi bar and watched sleezebags looking for STD´s hovering around the brothel next door.

18th april
Today we hired a moto and rode through the lush national park in the middle of the island and then rode up through the mini farms and the flocks of goats and followed the coast half way around the island. The Island landscape is very rugged, a cross between Jarasic Park and Lost, eagels circle above and you see tiny glimpes of weird little animals scrurring off the road at the last minute. We parked the bike to have some lunch, again fried rice, shrimp Pho and some tofu (which they had to drive to the markets to get) The guy who lent us his moto left his hat clipped into the front of the bike and it was stolen while we where eating lunch. We didn´t say anything about it when we gave the bike back.

22 april
Its a glary hazey day today on CatBa, mostly the island carries a permanent creepy haze across its mountain tops and along the bay giving it an eerie effect. Last night the island had come to life. Outdoor 20 cent beer stalls had set up with their little plastic chairs along the main strip, selling peanuts and pineapples. The ladies pulling the trolleys where about selling clothes and bits n pieces. The corn lady was full up, also selling bags of fairy floss. Thousands of Japanese tourists were riding up and down the strip on gay looking double seated bicycles but they normally dissapear by 8 oclock. We are noticing the light cargo wearing, strappy sandle, day packers who are usually sporting a guidebook looking lost. They are typically of English decent, but also some Swiss and German,..and of course the place is filling with the unwashed bed bug, dready, scarf wearing traveller who gets by on two pairs of undies and 1 pair of trousers of which the crutch hangs loosely down near their knees to give a 'I just shit myself' appearance. (Why do they do that?) Generally they identify themselves with masses of cheap jewelery knotted and twisted at every link of their body and cling to their once colourful woven moinority sholder bags. Help!! They are taking over the island! My beautiful peacefull Cat Ba! We hid away at the 'Green Mango', a more upmarket bar and restuarant where thay scatter rose pettles across your table before ordering. But tonight we just wanted to laze in their lounge area and drink their very potent long Cat Ba island iced teas, although their Cuban bean soup is very tastey.

23 april
This morning, headache and all, I am awoken by open air opera style kareoke coming from one of the floating restaurants on the bay. Hmm, kareoke at 9 in the morning? They just love it, dont they. I poke my head out to see what all the fuss is about and i am suprised to find in the middle of the main road that runs along the bay, right on the grassy patch in the medium strip, a circle of Vietnamese men -with some open jawed farangs hanging about with their cameras falling out onto the road - egging on two ugly and very angry looking birds trying to rip each others heads off! I am more shocked to find they even have their own corners. At the end of a round they grab the cocks and wash them down and pat them with towel and prop them up again making them seem refreshed and ready for the next round. I had they best seats for the fight, seated on my little stool, 9 floors above all the action. I soon get bored and scramble off to find some lunch, but 6 hours later they are still going! Cruel I say.

24th
Back at the Green Mango for more Cat Ba island iced teas. We just hung about in a daze and chatted about animals walking through the kitchens and what we'll be doing in Barcelona. We ended the night getting kicked out of the dingy nightclub at the end of the street that we swore we'd never step foot in, and ended up back on the baguette ladies street corner drinking pissweek homemade beer and stuffing our faces with sausage and quail eggs. The tasteless beer was so flat and horrible but we kept on drinking it.

Its now 3.30 in the afternoon, we've pigged out for lunch and Sam has gone back to bed and will probably stay there for the rest of the day. We will probably be doing nothing at all for a while as we have spent our quota all on food and grog. we are staying on catba for another 2 nights and then are heading back to hanoi and then Sapa for a bit of trekking, need to get some exercise.

25th
It stormed last night and we sat out on the roof top, 12 stories up, and watched the lighting crack over the bay while chugging down some cold tigers. So today is not humid at all and even though I'd planned a day at the beach, the weather is a refreshing change. Tonight is our last night on the island and I´m sorta glad we are leaving as I have become amazingly lazy on this island. We spent the day walking about the boardwalks before it started raining giant freezing cold drops of icey rain. Oh well, will have to sit down at one of the 40 cent beer stalls at the western end of the beach up near the markets. We have made it a bit of a habit. We love sitting there in the arvos spending next to nothing cracking peanuts with the locals. We just begin to relax, soaking up the last of our Cat Ba island atmosphere and just as we sat back we noticed the crazy Vietnamese chick who lives in Newtown and supposively teaches French. We saw her on the back of a moto and just when we had though she haddn´t seen us....

'HEY FRIEND!' ..'HA'

She is so loud and continuosly laughs at absoluely nothingto the point where you just have to stare at her and you feel a little uncomfortable. She raves on in spasmotic fits of excitement about the cost of living just like and Australian pensioner living in the back of Warrawong, she blabbs on about the 5 cent bargin peanuts, and that we had paid double for the same boat fair as her the other day.
We met her in HaiPhong on one of those alful slow boats, we actually, we met her in the boat directors office while waiting for the slow boat for two hours drinking shout after shout of the directors homemade family recipe rice wine (that blew your head off) Then, she was with Albert, an unfortunate German man, triple her age who had a child and a girlfiend up in Sapa. He says Mika (the crazy lady) only travells with him for his money. Mika tells me she dumped him because he shoots up, which looked pretty obvious to us. Anyhow, we where just kicking back and she shows up with a much younger German character who turned out to be quite nice... if only we could have warned him!

The beer stalls on the street dont have any toilets so we waddled up to the kiwi bar and had two shots of vodka just to use the loo and then set out to find a restaurant. It turns out we always seem to find the best restaurant on the last night of our stay. it was called Vien Dong, up past the main supermarket. It was jam packed with fish tanks full of fresh seafood. There didnt seem to be any menu, and the family where all sitting around a large table eating there dinner. We looked in and when they all gave us a friendly smile we sat down to order.

The beer was average, sometimes it tastes like soap, so was the restaurant - filled with petrified frog and snakes in jars - but the food was amazing. saute squid, tender in a spicey tomato sauce with chunky onions and a hint of confit garlic. We were not very hungry but we just had to try another dish. More squid in a delish garlicey sauce. Mmm. They where obviously proud of there cooking, they keep on asking us 'if we like' smiles, more smiles, and we told them is was the best food in Vietnam.

We left for the supermarket for some beer and chocolate to help us in packing tonight. I would have changed my mind to stay another night just to eat in that restaurant again, but we have already organised to check out. Tomorrow we join the end of another tour group, our way of getting back to Hanoi, so we have to tolerate fellow travellers again and be polite and have meaningless converstation with strangers - 'I dont know you, and I'm particularly not interested to hear about all your travelling tales, how you concured the world, your 'living the dream', giving your 20 cents to the locals, making all the difference to their economy'
How rude of me...!

My favourite photo this far. I call it 'Corn Lady' She walks the strip selling loads corn steamed fresh on the cob, this is her stopping for buisness out the front of the beer stalls late one night.